Achieving success by making progress towards your goals and investments changes you. You become stronger, faster, more intelligent, or more skilled. You gain the ability to solve problems easier and quicker. Additionally, the accolades and recognition you receive from others unlock new opportunities for you to pursue. But success doesn’t just change you: success changes your relationships with your family and friends.
The decisions we make influence the people around us. While some may celebrate your victories with you, other may feel jealous or entitled to some of the rewards of that success.
As you progress along your investing journey, your relationships with the people around you will change. Committing to a goal, sticking to it, and living the benefits of that can be confronting to those who can’t or wont do what you have done. Understanding how your actions influence the mood and actions of others becomes critical – especially once you have something to lose.
Welcome to the Investing Series – my thoughts on how to build wealth, grow as a person, and uplift others around you to help them achieve the same.
How Success Changes You
It’s no secret that success is a transformative act. The person you were before your trials began and the person you become after overcoming them are completely different. You, your focus, and your feelings regarding your success will all change as you succeed and evolve.
Your Priorities Change
Overcoming challenges often has us reconsidering what we value. Priorities you once held can become less important if they no longer fit into your new life. As your interests, hobbies, or relationships change, so too does the amount of energy you put into them.
Success comes to those who are willing to change their priorities. The ones who are willing to sacrifice something to become more than what they currently are. But additionally, that success also changes what we focus on, and how we spend our limited money, time, and attention (our investments).
Our focus changes not only in the pursuit of success, but also once that success has been realised. Much like a snake sheds its skin in order to grow, we too must shed the unnecessary aspects of ourselves. This free up our limited resources, allowing them to be redeployed to best serve our needs.
The Hero’s Journey
Life never fails to challenge us. From earning money to maintaining our health, we must continue to rise to the challenges put before us. If we refuse to shy away from these challenges, we become mighty enough to overcome them and can continue to move towards our highest selves.
Success, at its core, is the result of a hero’s journey you embark on to change something about your life. And you don’t need to slay dragons or rescue people from burning buildings to be a hero, either. You can You must become your own hero and save yourself. Nobody is coming to save you.
The Call to Adventure
Consider a person who feels stuck in their job. They’re struggling and burnt out, working a job devoid of meaning.
Their call to adventure may be a pull towards entrepreneurship, or a simpler life. Their journey begins by taking the leap of faith, ending their career to explore what else life has to offer.
The Trials
From there, our would-be hero encounters various challenges. Perhaps money becomes a more serious problem than expected. This journey may even involve the creation of alternate streams of income, such as a business venture or part-time or temporary employment. Gaining independence and controlling their work may be the reason that they headed down this path in the first place. But as with everything in life, challenges may force you to ask in ways that are suboptimal or undesired.
Perhaps the challenges are spiritual rather than financial: a nagging feeling gnawing away in the back of our hero’s mind, as they still aren’t achieving what they thought they would. “Why has nothing changed?”, they ask. “Why am I not making progress when I know my job was the problem?”
It is only by facing these challenges that we gain the strength necessary to overcome them. The act of intentionally doing new and difficult things gives us the tools we need to overcome the hardships we encounter (and deliberately place before ourselves).
The Victory
Success comes from slaying the dragon, and achieving the rewards that come from doing so. We attain rewards – like skills and knowledge – along the way to success. But others – such as opportunities or income – may only be found at the end of the journey. For our hero, perhaps their success lies in the form of understanding who they are, what value they bring to the world, and the ways in which they can help others.
That being said, not every journey is successful – at least not in the traditional sense. Our hero may find that entrepreneurship isn’t for them, and return to life as an employee. Job intensity and meaning were challenges for our hero in the past. Finding work that is meaningful and low pressure would be a clear victory for them. Returning to employment after such a journey could never be considered a defeat.
The Boon
Skill acquisition is an essential part of every hero’s journey. In a video game, you wouldn’t use the same abilities you had at level one that you do at level one hundred. You have to learn and adapt to changes in your life, as well as the obstacles and environment around you. The skills you acquire on your journey are the boons that will unlock the life you desire.
Becoming your own hero means learning, evolving, and ultimately, doing. The ultimate boon is the ability to do as you please.
On Guilt
Success is often hard-won. However like everything in life, some people have advantages over others. Some get more than others despite equal or even less effort. Those benefitting may feel as though they don’t deserve what they have, or guilty for the opportunities they’ve had that others didn’t receive.
We may also feel guilty that our success distances us from our families – subconsciously or otherwise. Success might make you seem “too different”, or straying from the traditional values your family has held. While our personal growth can distance us from those around us, we must ensure that we don’t allow this to happen. Staying in touch with family and offering support when needed allows us to stave off any feelings of guilt, or leaving anyone behind.
Feeling as though you “got lucky” is normal when you experience such good fortune. However, even if you benefitted from privilege, community, or luck, you still took advantage of the opportunities available to you, and used them to achieve your success. I don’t see this as something to feel guilty about.
How Your Success Influences Others
Like it or not, our actions have profound impacts on those around us. Our successes instill emotions in others, from inspiration to resentment. Sometimes, our successes can help others realise things they don’t want to do any more.
The Stoics teach that we should avoid letting the opinions or behaviours of others influence our emotions or actions. Unfortunately, not everyone follows this philosophy. The things we do will rouse those around us to action – for better or worse.
Diverging Interests
Old friendships and interests fade. It’s not personal, nor is it a bad thing: we simply grow as individuals. And as you continue to grow and achieve success in its various forms, your interests will begin to change. This naturally means that those you once shared interests with won’t share the same interests as you forever.
Similarly, the interests of those around you may change. Perhaps your mutual interest became a passion for you, whereas your friend lost interest. In some cases, perhaps your success or new life may be off-putting or difficult to others. Whatever the reason, the result is the same: distance begins to form between you and those around you.
As your life continues to move in a particular direction, so is everyone else’s. The chance that you find people early in life that move through life in the same way as you is extremely low. Finding people who you connect with across all stages of your life is essential as you evolve.
Of course, you can still be friends with people despite having different interests. However, friendships built upon a bedrock of “doing a thing together” can fail if you aren’t “doing the thing together” any more. This can be why friends you make at school, work, or in hobby groups don’t persist once you leave that environment. Friendships dissolve easily once the glue holding them together fades.
Maintaining friendships is ideal; a successful person does not sit alone atop his ivory tower. However, as you evolve, the friendships you once knew will change, and may fade entirely – and not just due to divergence.
Resentment
As your success grows, those viewing your good fortune may feel nothing but envy. Despite appearing supportive on the surface, they may harbour resentment towards you and the successes you’ve attained. Engaging with these sorts of people isn’t just foolish – it’s dangerous.
When you share your successes, others may feel held back by their circumstances or inaction. Compared to you, they feel as though they are less successful. Whether the feeling is substantiated or not doesn’t matter – they see you as a rival, or a threat. The harbouring of ill will in those around you is something you should avoid at all costs.
Jealousy can inspire people to do ridiculous or terrible things. And all your talk of success is doing is making you look like a good target.
Financial Inequity
A prominent measure of success in modern life is wealth – or at least, how much wealth you appear to have. And of course, wealth is not distributed equally. Those who achieve financial success (including those on the path to Financial Independence) often find themselves much better off than those around them.
Financial success is not the norm; people are struggling, even in the most prosperous countries on Earth. This makes it all the more powerful when someone does break through and begin to build wealth. The impact of achieving this from less privileged backgrounds is much more profound – and difficult to navigate.
Those who achieve success from a less privileged background may feel pressured to support their family members. This pressure can be crushing, especially if this support is expected, or not openly discussed. In ideal circumstances, everyone would help one another; a rising tide raises all ships after all. However, cultural or familial expectations may cause the successful to experience an altered and uncomfortable relationship with their loved ones.
Navigating this will be different for everyone based on age, culture, religion, or upbringing. While this isn’t a concern I have to manage in my life right now, it’s an important truth to acknowledge as your circumstances change.
Using Your Success to Help Your Loved Ones
It goes without saying that we should use our success to help those we care about. However, if you don’t control how you help others, it will lead to similar challenges faced by those negatively influenced by our success. The most important aspect is finding ways to use your gifts to help your loved ones in a way that works for you.
Financial success – especially the kind built slowly over time – offers you the freedom of time and attention to help others. But financial success isn’t the only determinant of what makes us successful. There are many ways we can succeed, and many ways we can help others; all have their own unique challenges.
Show, Don’t Tell
Even if you have achieved great things, sometimes people don’t want you to preach about it. Not even for something like Financial Independence, which most people can begin working towards. Not everyone is prepared to hear what you have to say, and any attempts to educate them are deemed unwelcome.
Live your life with qualities that befit one who has achieved what you have achieved. Your lifestyle should be congruent with the successes you have attained. If you want to uplift others, you must live in a way that inspires others to follow in your footsteps.
“The lips of Wisdom are closed, except to the ears of Understanding.”
– Three Initiates, Kybalion: A study of the Hermetic Philosophy of Ancient Egypt and Greece (1908)
This blog (and my content in general) serves as a method for sharing the successes I have attained. I share my story in the hopes that it may help others live the life they want to live. In my case, I have achieved enough Financial Independence to be able to live a life where full-time work is not necessary. I have the ability to design my entire lifestyle: work, fitness, leisure, and relationships, as I see fit.
This site outlines the philosophy, thought processes, and methodologies I have followed in order to achieve this. To live in a way that is incongruent with my success would render my teachings and philosophy disingenuous. I cannot espouse the benefits of Slow Financial Independence unless I live and breathe the benefits of walking that path myself.
The time will come when the advice you can give will be accepted by those around you. Until then, command yourself with the confidence and strength your success has brought you, and let your way of life do the talking.
Be Careful What Advice You Give
Those around you may eventually warm up to the idea of talking about what you’ve achieved. In the context of Financial Independence, perhaps a loved one opens up about their money woes and saving & investing goals. While it may be exciting to begin sharing your thoughts, be careful how you proceed.
Offering advice to those around you can easily backfire. Let’s imagine you talk to a loved one about an investment class you’ve invested in throughout your journey. After seeing your success, they decide to jump into the market. Let’s also imagine a major economic event causes the asset to decline in value shortly after. Your loved one would be devastated, especially if they are new to investing. Additionally, they’ll consider you personally responsible for their failed investment. Not only would your own investments have suffered, you also have the additional burden of managing a damaged relationship.
If you do offer help to others, you have to be willing to bear their ire should your help fail them. You can easily receive a disproportionate amount of blame despite your best intentions of offering help. Carefully consider how you offer guidance and support to minimise the damage to your relationships if you are wrong.
Respect Your Beginnings
Everyone starts somewhere, and where you start plays a massive role in whether success is easy or difficult for you. Your formative years and those you encounter all influence your chances of success.
When you do achieve your goals, remember where you came from. It’s likely that your loved ones sacrificed a lot in order for you to live the life you do. While your successes may be yours, your ability to achieve them is often the result of many others supporting you through life.
Avoid letting success go to your head. Remain humble, and remember to share the boons of your success with those that helped you achieve them.
Be An Inspiration
Committing ourselves to our investments (of time, money, and attention) makes us better, stronger, and richer. As you utilise the rewards of these successes, it’s natural that you live in an inspirational manner.
Achieving success in one domain of life is important, but we must achieve a holistic form of success in order to attain self-mastery. A high net worth means nothing if you can’t unshackle yourself from your job. Physical, mental, financial, and spiritual success are all required in the modern age to achieve self-mastery. You must be successful in all of these domains in order to reach the pinnacle of success we are capable of: the success achieved by the great minds throughout history.
There are times where we must sacrifice aspects of ourselves. Time and health are often the first to go when pursuing wealth. But once you achieve the necessary competence to succeed in one aspect, you must turn your attention to the next. Better still, you can use the benefits of one aspect to change your life in the present, bring yourself into balance, and align yourself on the path to self-mastery.
We look up to those with wealth, who are fit, intelligent, and know a wide range about a variety of topics. These people inspire us to be better in the domains we currently focus on. But making the sacrifice ourselves and committing the investments necessary to achieve those things is often too much to bear. My solution is to be the person you would be inspired by.
Lead by example and show those around you what success is. We cannot control the minds or actions of others. Instead, be so good that you become a driving force for others to improve their lives.
Closing
The pursuit of success is something that never ends. We can’t hold onto it, either: the rent is due every day. Our achievements will always influence those around us, and we have to navigate how that affects both us and them.
My approach to living a successful life is simple: live according to the values you set for yourself. If your goal is to help others, you have to do so in a way that aligns with how you live.
The things you achieve will be inspirational to those earlier in their journey. All you have to do is show them how your successes have changed your life.
Thank you for reading.
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